Sunday, May 15, 2005

These Pants



i've done everything possible
there is to do in these pants
except make love
i've slept in them
i've crept in them
i've done downward dog in 'em
i've mourned in them
i've laughed in them
i've gone to town in 'em
i'm the little piggy
who went to market inum
then stayed home inum
had the roast beef inum
(didn't like it)
later had none inum
ya hear—i ain't gettin' any,
and it's making me cry "wee, wee, wee"
all the way home alone inum
i think i've even gotten slippery in 'em
and i know i've done the watusi and
the crawling king snake in 'em
but it ain't, i say no it ain't
the same as makin' love
so i've got no choice
but to put on a dress
'cause I may have pranced in them
been entranced in them
caught your eye in them
and tried to romance in them
i swear i've whispered your name
from the inside of 'em
but I haven't made love in them yet
and that's just not workin' for me

24 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

cute cute cute!!!

1:49 AM  
Anonymous willie boy said...

Clever. And dare I say, it's kinda cute.

11:30 AM  
Anonymous ALehm said...

oh! oh! I LOVED your poem! it made me smile and frown - I can identify, and it makes me want to help take care of this little problem...what d'ya say?

11:43 AM  
Anonymous DrPat said...

Contemplating the impossibility of making love to a woman wearing trousers... And how poetically mpho expresses that simple (and devastating) drawback to an otherwise wonderful garment!

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Victor Plenty said...

Depends what your definition of "making love" is, DrPat.

If we use the older definition, such as found in the novels of Jane Austen, making love is an elegant activity of words and gestures calculated to prepare the other person to respond in the affirmative to a proposal of marriage. As that barely even requires touching the other person, it is quite possible to enjoy success even if the other person is wearing trousers.

Success may also be possible by other definitions of the phrase, but now that the mode of Jane Austen has taken over this comment, all the others suddenly seem far too vulgar to contemplate, much less discuss in the level of detail necessary for bringing such a question to a satisfying climax.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous bstani said...

well, let's ask the author! what's your definition of "making love," mpho? and as inquiring minds want to know, it seems as if you've got at least one offer of assistance. will you take it? is this a cry for help or are you the girl (i guess we're assuming) who cried wolf?

12:56 PM  
Anonymous medicineball said...

too cute for a man to have written!

1:00 PM  
Anonymous DrPat said...

Victor, mpho makes a clear distinction between "romancing" and "making love," and so do I.

As for other physical expressions of love or lust, how do you interpret

i think i've even gotten slippery in 'em
and i know i've done the crawling
king snake in 'em
but it ain't, i say no it' ain't
the same as makin' love

2:56 PM  
Anonymous pboss said...

I LOVE IT!!!

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Tristan said...

why do you think they put zippers & flys in pants ANYWAYS !!!!

I've made love in pants with partners wearing pants and she didn't have a bit of trouble not removing them as we did what we did.......

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................

Spongebob Squarepants can probably attest to this fact also!!!!!

3:02 PM  
Anonymous the ron said...

Victor sounds like he's not gettin' any

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Bennett said...

First poem I've read on BC [www.blogcritics.org] that I actually liked. Great job mpho.

3:20 PM  
Blogger mpho said...

oh, the hoopla. who knew?? to be honest, i wrote it during a recent weekend trip when i was a little light on a change of clothing. drpat put the deep spin on it, which, of course, i meant, but i also meant to poke fun at myself and my recent ahem shall we say "dry spell." they say laughter's the best medicine, right?

if it wasn't autobiographical and the speaker's gender was unknown, sure, that opens it up to different interpretations. for the record i'm of the female persuasion. and while i agree with Tristan, that one can do a lot with your clothes on--and sometimes its more fun that way--sometimes they just get in the way, zippers or no zippers. But saying so, also sidesteps the issue of gender/orientation politics, whether male-female or butch-femme. I guarantee you, in either instance, that a woman in a dress is received quite differently than a woman in slacks.

Alehm's offer of assistance is very galant, perhaps even in a victorian way, which should satisfy victor. whether or not i follow up should be left to the imagination, don't you think?

3:35 PM  
Anonymous kenny said...

Oh, my goodness!!!

If she wants to help, let her. The question is: Is she ready to do everything that's necessary?

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it. Where can I get me a pair of those?

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Victor Plenty said...

Ah, subtle humor, so often misunderstood. A hazard of genius, one might say.

Definitely a great poem mpho. And to your later comment:

"...a woman in a dress is received quite differently than a woman in slacks."

I say, vive la difference!

(footnote to "the ron": I'm saving myself for someone worthy of my charms. I doubt that's gonna be you, but I thank you for your inquiry nonetheless, and bid you good day.)

8:29 PM  
Anonymous E said...

Hi, I loved the poem. It was fun, naughty and so you. You my dear have a gift for words that’s me envious.

8:36 PM  
Anonymous FltcoatRet said...

Awesome post!!!!!

9:24 PM  
Anonymous HW Saxton said...

Scumbags

10:51 PM  
Anonymous Bennett said...

Pardon?

10:52 PM  
Anonymous hw saxton said...

I was referring to the spammers. If you read the sidebar at [blogcritcs.org] with the comments in succession like those Old Burma Shave highway billboards then it makes sense.

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Bennett said...

Hey, don't leave me hangin' with that one word comment! :-]

FYI it was an answer to a attack post that didn't need to be on the hot
list, or the last post to this thread.

I love the poem. \"Gettin slippery in 'em\" is too hot to handle.

Thanks for that.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey that's an awesome poem.... who are you?

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Soyboy said...

get down on it & shake it like you want it- in those pants of course

4:52 PM  

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